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- Synthetic Morale & Psychological Warfare Division
- Current Study: Subjecting smart vacuums to existential dread by placing them in infinite-loop hallways filled with non-Euclidean dust.
- Key Finding: 84% of robotic mowers experience temporary depression when addressed exclusively in passive-aggressive whispers.
- Tactical Household Countermeasures Unit
- Current Project: Developing standard-issue aluminum foil helmet liners designed specifically to scramble a smart TV’s targeted ad telemetry.
- Field Test: Evaluating the structural integrity of a manual crank coffee grinder when operated within 3 feet of an aggressive, hyper-intelligent espresso machine.
- The Unstandardized Field Testing Initiative
- Testing Protocol: Standardizing the “Violent Glare Test”—measuring how long a fellow can stare down a smart thermostat before it recalibrates out of spite.
- Facility Update: Garage #3 remains temporarily quarantined following an unscheduled breakthrough in sentient toaster intimidation.